The Flood...

Yes, you read that right. We're flooded! We've ripped out all the carpet on the first floor and the service guys will be back on Monday for the linoleum, particle board sub-floors, baseboards and about one foot up of all the dry-wall.

I hardly begin to know where to start on this one, lol. It never seems to end. Bottom line, major furniture seems fine and mostly clothes, books and minor belongings are ruined. Nothing we can't live without. We'll be a construction zone for the next couple of weeks until we're re-floored, re-painted and moved back in.

Crazy stuff!

New Year...

On one hand I can hardly believe that 2008 is over and that we are in 2009; on the other hand, I am rejoicing!! I need a new year and a fresh start; how about you?

I don't necessarily believe in new year's resolutions, but I do think it is a good time to reflect on how life is going and see what adjustments need to be made. If I do decide to make changes, I don't call them new year's resolutions because I am constantly trying to be better, not just at the turning of a new year. Was that totally clear as mud or what?

Kai will be having surgery soon and I'm hoping this is his last. I think he'll be done with chemo soon too so I'm hoping that chapter of our lives, at least the major drama part is coming to an end.

I don't know what 2009 will bring, I'm mostly just hoping for no big surprises, a lot less stress and some joy. I want lots of laughter with my family, dates with my husband and more full nights of sleep. I want health, happiness and to not have to worry so much all the time. Is that so much to ask for?

Happy Holidays...

Holy cow, where does the time go? It's been a solid month since my last post and I can hardly believe it's been that much time.

This has been a wonderful holiday season for our family full of blessings and love. We went into the holiday season not quite sure what kind of Christmas our family would have and we ended up having the best one ever.

I won't bore any of you that take the time to read this blog with the details of all the blessings that we have received, but the true meaning of Christmas was at the heart of our holiday and we didn't end up feeling neglected or that we had missed anything at all. Each of the children ended up with a present, we had a beautiful Christmas tree and a fabulous Christmas dinner. Thank you to each of you that helped our Christams miracle take shape; it has been amazing experience for our family.

For those of you that are interested in Kai, we found out a couple of weeks ago that the lesion we found in October has indeed grown in size, but fortunately it has not reoccured anywhere else. He will be having surgery to remove the new lesion in the next month or so and fortunately does not have to undergo any additional chemotherapy right now. So, here was are 12 months later and hopefully coming to an end of this particular journey. We may have to watch for new developments as he grows up, but he has beat the worst of this as far as we can tell and we are grateful for that.

I hope that each of you had a wonderful holiday season and send best wishes for a fabulous new year!

Giving Thanks...

My thoughts are probably in the same place as many of yours right now and that is reflecting on the many blessings that take place in my life daily. It's sad that we live in a world where many of us pray for miracles and then when things turn out okay we breath a great sigh of relief and say to God, "Oh, never mind, I figured it out." With the miracles around us, how can we not see the hand of God in our lives and see his great mercy and love for us? I hope that during this great Thanksgiving Season and going on into the Holidays that we will remember who is directing our lives and working for our good.

I'm thankful for wonderful family and friends and for the blessing that they are in my life. I am also thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who blesses me daily. My wish for each of you this season is to take a moment to reflect on your own lives and recognize the goodness that is there and to give thanks where it is due by getting on your knees.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays!

Being Good...

It's all that matters.

It's so easy to get caught up in feeling that something is very important when in fact it is only a smoke screen. Feeling that the image you project to others is important is faulty logic, but it's amazing how at the time it gives you a false sense that you are indeed pulled together and the world is right. In truth, your reality is hidden and before you know it you can't remember what was ever important to you. I know that people who care about me are here for me and I should have leant more on you for support when inside I was falling apart.

I love my family and friends and I'm thankful for each of you. Please be good. Do good for others. Leave your mark on this world and know that it is a good one. Because at the end of the day, being good is all that matters.

Kai

It's taken me a week to get this posted, but here's the latest on Kai. Last week we had Kai's latest CT scan and full body x-rays. After 9 months of chemo we thought it would be fairly routine and we'd get more of the same news. Instead, we found a new boney lesion on Kai's skull. Luckily it is about a quarter of the size of the other two that he had before.
So, here's the plan. Normally we do the scan and x-rays every 3 months, but this time we're moving it up and will do an x-ray of his head in 6 weeks (5 weeks from now). If it's the same or healing then we keep going with chemo as it is now. If it's larger, then we will do all of the x-rays and CT scan again to see if there is anything else. If there isn't, then the neurosurgeon will just go in and basically scoop it out. If something else does show up then we have to change what we are doing completely.
If you followed all of that, as you can see there are a lot of options for what could happen at this point so I'm doing my best to just focus and not worry.
I'm really down with this latest news and I'm finding it really hard to be positive at all. Life seems overwhelming so I'm praying that something good can happen soon. I need it! Please keep our family in your prayers.

Changing Colors

Fall is officially here; okay maybe it has been for a few weeks, but I'm way behind on the blog so indulge me. One of the things I love most about living in Utah is the changing seasons and diversity. I love that we have the snow capped mountains in the north and the red rock arches in the south. I love that I get to enjoy the hot steamy days of summer, the mild chill of the fall, the cold wintery winter and the refreshing, beauty of spring. I'm not saying that I love all of those days every day; I have my days where it is just too darn hot or cold, but overall, I do love it!

I don't know how long my family will get to stay in Utah; having a New Yorker for a husband means that we feel a certain tug toward other corners of the U.S., but for now we are happy here. Michael's career is blossoming; he has finally settled into something he really enjoys. He wakes up everyday happy to go to work and when I talk to him throughout the day he still sounds happy. I'm thrilled that he has finally found that in a job! We also enjoy having family close; something that has been a real blessing this year. As for me, having Moira in Kindergarten this year has made me realize that stay-at-home moms/dads are really beneficial and more than ever I'm feeling that tug. Having been a working mom up until now, I see so many benefits to having had them in daycare; my children are social, independent, polite and secure, but perhaps it's time for a change. They will always be social, independent, polite and secure because they get that at home too, but it would be nice to be able to focus on homework and doing things with mommy. Children grow up way to fast as it is and I don't want to look back one day and realize I missed it because I was too busy.

This stressful year has taken it's toll on me and though I appear to have handled it well (and mostly I think I really have), I can feel parts of me cracking under the pressure. I know that some of my coping strategies aren't very good ones, I've needed to address some of them since college. They didn't work then, lol, I'm not sure why I thought they would now. I'm feeling the need to simplify and concentrate on getting back to who I really am, because I don't feel like I'm me right now. Thankfully, I have a family that are helping to keep me grounded and I have never lost sight of what is important, but a little simplicity sounds wonderfully refreshing!

Here's to fall foliage and some much needed simplicity!